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Published on December 10th, 2018 | by Eaalim Institute | Views: 383

Choosing Spouse In The Light Of Islam


as I whatever I am saying this evening

is taken from the Quran and the Sunna

and the Islamic teachings do you know

that when we have to choose a spouse and

I’m getting to that now when we have to

choose a spouse you know there’s people

smiling at me hand I know why they say

why weren’t you here 20 years ago okay

it’s fine if you’ve already done it it’s

okay we can rectify but we have to talk

to those we have to talk to those who

have not yet chosen the spouse and even

if you have try and go back and see the

qualities that you have looked at and

develop on them develop them

when you choose a spouse that Adid says

there are several things that people

look at and man some people look at

wealth and jamel some people look at

beauty and hazard some people look at

the status of the person and some people

look at the mess up which is the lineage

of the person and some people look at

the deal and the religion of the person

so many people don’t understand this

narration when the narration says father

be that it Dina Terabithia

the hadith says becomes successful by

selecting the one with the religion with

character and come back coupled with d1

narration the prophet sallallahu alayhi

wa sallam says either ja a comment upon

athena hoo-hoo luca Rufus a we jus when

a proposal comes from someone whom you

are satisfied with their level of

character and conduct or in fact

starting with the level of Deen and

character then allow them to get married

allow them to marry you looking at two

things character and Dean which means if

the character is great and good or

equivalent to your slightly higher and

the Dean level is equivalent to your

slightly higher then you stand a better

chance for your daughter to be in a home

where she will be happy get them married

so why is it that when it comes to

wealth and looks and so on some people

think that in Islam you don’t look at

looks you know you don’t look at looks

as it is the women are supposed to be


you don’t look at looks

that’s wrong the hadith didn’t say do

not look at looks the hadith is saying

what you see all the points you want to

see but give the tip of the scale to the

Dean which means if you have someone

who’s drop-dead gorgeous and they don’t

have any demon in them and then you have

someone who hasn’t yet you know kill you

you know what drop dead means you die

they haven’t had killed you with their

looks but mashallah they can I don’t

know if you can say drop unconscious

gorgeous that’s a statement which is

slightly lesser than the DD you know so

if someone comes and they are

good-looking okay they have a better

deem in them it is better for you to

compromise the looks to a certain extent

and make sure that the religion is

intact then to go only for looks because

the plan of Allah is they will come a

stage when that blemishless face will

develop wrinkles if you have loved the

outward face you will not be able to get

along with that woman because if you

have loved the interior it only blossoms

as time passes with the wrinkles of the

face the wrinkles of the heart

disappeared have you ever thought of

that with the wrinkles of the face the

wrinkles of the heart disappear because

now when a person becomes old and aging

they develop a link with allah subhanahu

wata’ala they become better they are

worried about their death and they the

generations to follow and their children

and now their grandchildren you now need

to guide your sons and daughters how to

get married so we are looking for

someone who is reasonably reasonable

looking someone who has a good voice I

made mention of that the other day or

was it yesterday when we did say that

you know it’s important to marry someone

who who has a voice that you are at

least you know attracted to you cannot

marry a person whom you don’t like their

voice at all it’s not like they’re bad

someone else will come along who will

like that voice you know this is why we

tell everyone sometimes in in the Muslim

home we are suffering because people and

let’s talk about some of the women folk

and what then

is because of television and the

bombardment you have a certain shape

that is acceptable and a certain shape

that the media has made you believe is

unacceptable I have come across many who

have told me I prefer big women

I’m just letting you know the reason why

I’m saying this is because no matter

what size you are someone somewhere will

definitely feel attracted to that allah

has created us differently so don’t

think for a moment you know what I am

NOT really so good looking why yes we

should be healthy we should be concerned

but not to the point of depression not

at all because then the home goes you

know how does the home fragment in that

you find women prohibiting themselves

from food and after a while they come to

the ship chef I think my daughter has a

genie why you know she sees things she

sees things what does she see like stars

like different things you know and

they’re not there you know I think

here’s a genie so people have come to me

saying this and we look at them

completely anorexic completely out of

food and everything you say you know

what the genie do not like dairy

products so the minute you have some

dairy products your gene will begin to

disappear because that is you know it’s

like opposite poles and the genie

doesn’t like red meat you know certain

rapport and so on and you find wallahi i

have had cases where they then tell you

after that that alhamdulillah the jinn

is gone

that was just malnourishment you

couldn’t you had you were busy while you

are walking and all that because you

didn’t eat and you didn’t eat because

you worried about how slim you should be

you know today if a woman is more than

45 kg 0 it’s a problem why in China you

can go up or down whatever it is for as

long as you are healthy you can eat it

and burn it and this is why a better way

he learned to abstain from food is to

have it and burn it out may allah

subhanahu wa’ta’ala beautify our women

for our men and i’m not talking about

all the men but I’m talking about the

husband’s ishyama

may Allah Subhanahu WA Ta’ala grant us

good homes and may Allah beautify the

men as well inshallah and the beauty of

a man is more in his character and

conduct than anything else believe me if

you have a man who’s mediocre looking

and his character is brilliant he

attracts much more than a person whose

character stinks sorry to use that with

a character stinks and he might be you

know a very very muscular handsome man

you know and the people will say no no

no be careful this guy’s only got swear

words from his mouth and sometimes what

happens is a few moments later or a few

days or months later people realize this

man is not what the outward appearance

says he is the same applies so this goes

back to our point when we are choosing

we can look at Health sorry we can look

at well we can look at various other

things just that I mentioned health

obviously we know in the Sharia it’s

important to be healthy and if we have

health matters that need to be known by

the spouse you need to tell them prior

to marriage you cannot hide something

major if it’s just a cough don’t say

look I don’t know if you want to marry

me I’ve got a coffee but if it is

something major then definitely it needs

to be said so we can look at the issue

of lineage the issue of wealth the issue

of status and so on that is not to be

given preference if those come without

the religion we’d rather stay away

that’s what islam teaches us because the

success according to the end of the

hadith the true success is connected to

those who have become successful with

the deal and now I want to pause for a

minute to tell you a typical scenario

when a person marries someone whom they

have seen not dressed properly

perhaps in a nightclub perhaps at a

party perhaps you know doing something

wrong and that has attracted the man and

the two of them get to talk to each

other and they decide after some time

we’d like to get married and they

married can I tell you what has happened

and I’m talking reality sometimes what

happens is the woman at some stage

realizes that I need to

velop my spirituality so she wants to

start covering her hair perhaps she

wants to put on something the husband

says look that’s not the woman I married

I didn’t marry that woman

so the fact that we were not dressed

appropriately and we allowed someone to

love our outer looks we become enslaved

by that forever it may block us from

developing religiously because the man

will keep on saying look that’s not the

woman I married I married you because of

how head and shoulders looked in your

head and I married you because of how

the Levi’s jeans looked on your legs and

so on so if that’s the case now I want

you to dress like that forever if you

don’t I’m going to get another wife and

are you sitting saying but can’t I get

close to Allah my beloved sister it was

a mistake that was made years back and I

hope those who are not yet married we

can take a lesson and I hope the

brothers who are here if they’re anyone

of us who might have made that type of

choice allow them to the growth in


don’t be embarrassed by your wife when

she covers up properly after she hadn’t

been doing that for long it will help

you and your offspring remember when you

saw a seed then it grows so you cannot

sew a seed of cactus and expect apples

to grow yes

mind you there is a cactus fruit for as

long as you you know rub off all you

scrape off all the little the prickly

points on it you might enjoy that cactus

food I don’t know if you have it here

but who wants to handle that when you

can have a proper apple mashallah my

beloved brothers and sisters the beauty

of Islam is such that from the beginning

whether it is the upbringing of the

child or how to select a spouse allah

subhanahu wa’ta’ala has laws in place

that will help you from the family

fragmenting breaking up so if we

followed the rules from the very

beginning then we will find that the

family unit will not break however

sometimes we have as you know cases

where we didn’t look at that we might

have over

we might not have been that religious at

that time and so on there are still

solutions you see we are taught to

attend the Nika to witness the Nika of

people it is a Sunnah to have it in the

Masjid when we are getting married it is

an act of worship and it is in fact

taught by the Prophet peace be upon him

that as far as possible try to have the

officier ssin within the Masjid you have

him as a Gd come according to one

narration try and have it in the message

because it’s the house of Allah imagine

you say I’m having my wedding I’m having

my officier ssin and I’d like to have it

at this hall or that hole it’s okay it’s

not like it’s not going to be valid but

say I want to have it in the house of

Allah the one who made me now I want to

tie the knot in his house

subhanAllah that is so blessing over and

above that we need to know that we are

encouraged to attend when other people

are getting married you’re encouraged to

attend to be witness one of the reasons

of that and the ulama have mentioned

many reasons is that you need to ponder

over your plight and condition you are

either a person who’s married or you are

not married or you’ve lost just files

through divorce or death you cannot

really be any other probability you’re

either married or not married yet all

you’ve lost your spouse through death or

through divorce so when you sit and you

watch this this bloom a beautiful you

watch them watch them properly and the

Imam says have you accepted her as your

wife you find in a lot of cases

especially know that the innocent ones

when I say the innocent ones I mean not

those who have now gone out for eight

years and you know they probably have

had you know how can I wear it

respectfully they have had relations

deeper than what married couples would

have had then they just want to have

allies if eight years later we don’t

want that to happen Islam has made

marriage very easy Islam has made

marriage very easy one of the reasons is

let’s not block our children from

getting married sometimes you have a man

who says no I want you to finish your

studies and so on it’s important to

finish your studies we are not saying no

very important but don’t you want to

protect them from the sin that is being

committed right now

varsity when the guy is so easy you can

put in your rules and regulations and

there is no harm you can say look if we

get any car then you will not live with

one another until the age of until you

complete your studies and so on but the

link you have now is hala I am only

suggesting a solution and I’m not sure

if some of you may find it applicable or

not but we have found it applicable and

we have tried to encourage some who have

engaged in it and they have not

regretted it

it got a





but hold on


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